somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
