I want to walk on stilts...naked
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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