Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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