I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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