Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
