1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
