The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
