honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
