some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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