Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
COCAINE IS GR8
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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