i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
