your parents love me but you hate me
Porn is love you can see.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
