I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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