i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize