It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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