I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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