he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
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So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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