Apparently you make a good broom.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
