so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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