One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Fuck appropriateness.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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