just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
