look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
3pm strippers are depressing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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