I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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