____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
