i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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