In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
