I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
