I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The air was thick with penises
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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