when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
