Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize