Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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