I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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