but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
