Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
