Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want to be your penis for a week.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
