My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
