Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
