My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
