I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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