No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
