Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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