My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
