Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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