ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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