do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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