Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
