Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
