So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
