someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
