you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
