We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
