he thought i was a dude.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
