we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
