I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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