you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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