even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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