Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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