True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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