You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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