I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
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why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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