next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
