Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
