HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
