Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
