well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
