she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
